Kriss Akabusi's Blog

What is it that you are pretending to not know that you know?

On the face of it a very weird question and one that I had to answer when meeting with a coach/friend of mine this week. She gave the example of the business woman, who has created a life style business. A business that in the past not just took care of her needs but that of half a dozen employees/co-workers. One in which she becomes the stalwart of a community, a shining example of success and happiness. However year on year it starts to lose revenue, she makes minor adjustments, buys cheaper products, pulls back on the marketing spend, reduces costs by not replacing leaving staff. Her heart knows that she has got a problem she needs to face up too, review her strategy, take some training address the issues, but her head tells her to style it out, turn a blind eye, keep going and it might go away.

Blaise Pascal said, “The heart has reasons that reason will never know”

This is what I think I know that I’m pretending I do not know… I’m in love with the mother of my child but I dare not let myself know because I would have to do something about it. I would have to get closer, invite her to live with me, tie the knot, worse still make a commitment. My head tells me I don’t know what love is, if I did it is not worth it, you will only get hurt again, experience the pain of abandonment, have to start all over again, feel the desolation of being taken advantage of. My heart say’s jump in with two feet, feel wild abandon, take the risk, you only live once, make it happen, it will be alright on the night, you know she’s worth it, what’s the worst thing that can happen and if it does you will survive. So I find a war going on within me between the head and the heart, between reason and love, betwixt risk and reward, safety verses security good against fulfilment.

It’s good to be single, there is plenty of safety because no one can hurt you, it takes very little risk, you just keep on doing what you are doing, living your life, doing your job, meeting many people having a laugh, it stands to reason, you come home when you want, no one to take orders from, the place is as you left it you’re in command of your own destiny, the world is at peace.

The Bible says’ “greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for a friend.” It is also quoted in the good book “if you hold on to life you lose it and if you lay down your life you will gain it.” Ha there is the rub. “To be or not to be” said the bard, if I want to gain fulfilment, experience the security of life in another, the reward of two who become one, the depths of love without limits I have to trust my heart and lay down my life so that I will gain it.

I’ve got a long way to go before I break the chains that bind me, Jean Jacques Rousseau said, “Man is born free yet everywhere he is in chains” Our past experiences, and relationships powerfully restrain us or create defence mechanism and coping strategy that were once designed to help us but now only aid to hinder our development. I’m often quoted in my speeches and seminars as saying “the past is for reference not for residence” but as always it is very hard for the physician to heal themselves. I am aware that I don’t want to live a life never having loved or more importantly have dared to be loved. I don’t want to go through life being so safe that I don’t feel secure, experiencing a good life which is not quite fulfilling. I do want to be on my death bed saying, I jumped in with both feet, I lost much but found so much more.

The cat is out of the bag, I’ve told you what I think I know that I am pretending I don’t know, what about you, in your personal life, relationships, family, friends, business, community, spirituality is there something going on that you know but are pretending to not know? One thing I do know is that if we (you and I) don’t take action on these things the head that now says “what if” will in it’s finally moments say “if only” I don’t know about you but for me in that day I want my heart that says “how” in its final beat to go “wow!”