Kriss Akabusi's Blog

“When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things.” I Cor. xiii. 11.

“Ageism, also called age discrimination, is stereotyping of and discrimination against individuals or groups because of their age…. The term was coined in 1969 by US gerontologist Robert N. Butler to describe discrimination against seniors… Butler defined ageism as a combination of three connected elements. Among them were prejudicial attitudes towards older people, old age, and the aging process;” Wikipedia
The tables have turned in the 21st century and I find a new form of Ageism (or prejudice against the ageing process), which might also be termed “Peter Panism”. There are Adults in their fortieth years desiring to hang on to their twenties, battling for the ground formally occupied by the aspiring prepubescent. Like Peter Pan they refuse to grow up or bow to the sands of time, stalking the ground previously rendered to enquiring teenagers. Like the 15 year old girl with sophisticated make up or the seventeen year old fluffy bearded male these maturing elements within humanity seems to be aping their mid twenty something counterpart.
For example if we look at the dating process it is common to be introduced to newly single persons who have gone through a midlife transition (or crisis) showing off the latest beau or hunks in their life as my boy/girlfriend, these gushingly coy or exuberant couples are in their forties and fifties. In the western world where marriage is no longer for life we are in severe need to find a term to describe ones mate when one reaches post twenties and the lady/man in one’s life is not your wife/husband or civil partner. I have been divorced some five years now and one lady I was dating took umbrage to being called my lady friend (I did not know how else to address her-I was 48) when she asked me to define our relationship. She was three years older than me but said, “Lady Friend is too frumpy I don’t want to be defined as middle aged mother or ex house wife!” Of course I agreed we all have a right to define ourselves according to the light within us but for me the term lady friend meant neither, it only meant that she was somebody who I had entered an exclusive relationship with but was too mature for me to be comfortable calling a girl. She wanted something dynamic, exciting sparkling, that talked about emancipation, exploration and joie de vive. Fair enough but why can’t somebody who is in their early 40’s or 50’s not be avante garde, fashionable, energetic lively and still embrace the fact (in my opinion) that they are now in their middle ages? I’m all these things but at 51yrs old I don’t want to be anybodies boyfriend and I do hope contemporary society can find a new term for this conundrum.
On another instance I recently had a discussion with a newly acquired twitter friend about me being middle aged; I also made the mistake of putting her and some of our contemporary fellows into that category too. There ensued a heated but civil debate about the subject matter. In a trimester system of young, middle and old age I termed middle age as somewhere between 40 and 60 years old. Biblically speaking man is allotted three score years and ten and then he dies, and in spite of the advances in modern medicine not much has changed as the following research shows:- www.efmoody.com/longterm/lifespan. US National Center for Health Statistics (10 Oct 2001) American males born in 2000 now enjoy an average life expectancy of 74.1 years, up 0.2 years from 1999. Females have an average life expectancy of 79.5 years, up 0.1 years. The Japanese are still the top of the longevity life list with both sexes on average living into their 80’s. Whatever in the light of this data when then is middle age? At what age does humanity arrive at the zenith and cross roads of physical, emotional and intellectual maturity? And a more important question that cannot be answered by this post where do the real youth of our community go to express their unique difference and individuality?
Some ten years ago I read an insightful book on the masculine maturing process by Robert Bly called Iron John in which he bemoaned the fact that for men (I would add woman) the rites of passage in the western world had been blurred if not made extinct. Around the same time I read another book that really impacted my growth and development by Judith Voirst called necessary losses. The Amazon editor say’s that Voirst book “demonstrate that growing and aging involve a succession of conscious and unconscious losses, including the loss of youth” I think society is impoverished when adults refuse to accept the mantle of responsibility that comes with letting go of the past and embracing the future.
The final word is given to an article in the New York Magazine:-
“This is an obituary for the generation gap. It is a story about 40-year-old men and women who look, talk, act, and dress like people who are 22 years old. It’s not about a fad but about a phenomenon that looks to be permanent. It’s about the hedge-fund guy in Park Slope with the chunky square glasses, brown rock T-shirt, slight paunch, expensive jeans, Puma sneakers, and shoulder-slung messenger bag, with two kids squirming over his lap like itchy chimps at the Tea Lounge on Sunday morning. It’s about the mom in the low-slung Sevens and ankle boots and vaguely Berlin-art-scene blouse with the $800 stroller and the TV-screen-size Olsen-twins sunglasses perched on her head walking through Bryant Park listening to Death Cab for Cutie on her Nano”.

Read more: Up With Grups: The Ascendant Breed of Grown-Ups Who Are Redefining Adulthood — New York Magazine http://nymag.com/news/features/16529/#ixzz0YH4iGrMO
Each to their own I agree but still a wry smile breaks forth from my lips.

Adieu Môn Amie