Your life is not yours alone
“So what are you waiting for?”
Six words that I feel could make a massive impact on my life if I dwell too long on them, and probably for you too if you take them to heart.
My friend and fellow professional speaker Stephen Head had to go to the funeral of his long time friend Philip Duncombe (Phil) who finally lost his 5yr battle with cancer Christmas Day 2009. Apparently it was a full joyful service celebrating the life of this ordinary man who lived an extraordinary life. In the last five years he had determined that while he would fight this disease he was going to live each day as if it would be his last. So, on New Years day the service was full and one person after another recited how much fun, exploration, growth and development had been had by each individual he had touched during those last 60 months. Steve had seen him three days before his demise and still with no regrets or self pity Phil had told him “This year as time became more precious I have had four holidays abroad, sailing, golfing and spending time with the people I loved to be with”. He had played the best golf courses in the world, he had engaged with friends and family with hi intensity, ensuring the best wine, fine food, and best entertainment taken in, he had set up foundations, mentored people at work and within the community, provided for all who he would leave behind including the casket that had once been his temple. He made peace with his friends and pardoned his enemies and allowed no negativity around the illness that continued to return after each remission. He lived a full life each day… so what are you waiting for?
“Something’s gotta give”
Synchronicity, coincidence, happenstance one way I know when God, Spirit, or Life is speaking to me is when situations converge one atop another. I have been in deep thought and contemplation over the last week about the life story of Steve’s friend and the application to my current “Sitz im Leben” (life situation) when yesterday another of my friends (I do have a couple), Liz Strangways who is also a work colleague and fellow sojourner in life on twitter, (the social communication community) out of the blue posted “so what are you waiting for?” There ensued some dialogue between us about this and what it meant to us both. By the end of the evening I knew my Reticular Activating System was in full flow when three hours later I flicked on the television to watch the film “Something’s Gotta Give” starring Jack Nicolson, Keanu Reeves, and Diane Keaton. Jack Nicholson playing wealthy billionaire Harry Sanborn who at 63yrs old continues to live a bachelor lifestyle dating women (under 30) in every city he finds himself until life halts him in his tracks. Dr Julian Mercer played by Keanu Reeves informs him as he has recovered from an emergency operation that he’d had a massive heart attack which would have proved fatal without the kind attention and immediate action of Erica Barry a successful playwright played by Diane Keaton who happens to be the mother of Jack’s latest conquest. And so the love affair unfolds with twists and turns, avoidance of commitment from Jack, denial of intimacy from her until eventually Jack finally realises that he is in love with Diane, towards the end of the film I heard Jack (I think it was him) or someone saying to him, “so what are you waiting for”.
Make each day your master piece – John Wooden
John Wooden was the legendary basket ball coach of UCLA that won 10 consecutive titles between 1965-75 and his well renowned phrase to his team was, in whatever you do “make each day your master piece.” So what is your master piece? What are you waiting for to live a full life today? Are you waiting for Cancer or a Heart Attack to galvanise you to live the life you have always wanted or think you may do once other things are in order? We keep on living our life as if it has no end as if there is no final whistle, no calling to account. I have a situation in my life which is really calling for my attention, a little boy of two year of age who I keep on saying I would do anything for, would die for, would give my life. I don’t want to go into any deeper details on this forum but I do know that I have to answer this question in relationship with him, and if answered in the affirmative would drastically join the course of my life and that of my son. That is me, what about you, what situation in life is waiting for your attention, if you were to die in 18months time without addressing the issue would it be a source of regret, pain, disappointment? If answered in the affirmative I ask you, so what are you waiting for?
Kriss – great post. “What are you waiting for…” is one of life’s great questions. The other is ” What is the worst thing that could happen” Good to share.
Love this blog post papa… So true and I feel inspired just having read it! I like to say “Be New Now”… at any time, place, moment, you can choose to recreate your life, make a positive change, & live your life to the fullest.
Kriss -
That’s such a touching and thought provoking post on so many levels. Rather than just a 140 character response on Twitter (!) I wanted to put a slightly more considered piece of feedback here.
The subject evokes strong emotion and memory in me, and is a lesson that we should certainly all grab hold of before, as you so rightly say, it’s too late or indeed that we are forced into this way of thinking by a “life-changing” event such as a heart attack or the “Big C” come and wake us up. Why should these events be life changing in that way – why don’t we live our lives like that anyhow ?!
I lost my father ten years ago to cancer, and although he never knew he was going to die from the disease (in some ways it was a blessing that it spread to his brain so quickly so he never had to completely confront that problem) the changes it effected upon him and his outlook on life were stunning. We were always a close family but dad could be quite stand-offish and was certainly patriarchal in the old fashioned sense at times. When he learned of his cancer, you suddenly felt such overwhelming love from him. Expression of feeling that he had always held within him, and which you always knew was there, but which was so hard to elicit from him prior to that point.
It’s hard for me to say, but in so many ways having to confront his mortality changed my dad for the better. He was a more loving, kind and gentle soul in the six months we were blessed to have with him before his death.
But why did we have to all wait so long for that to happen ? I honestly believe he would have been so very much happier and fulfilled in life had he allowed himself to be “softer” in that way, rather than being shackled by what he would have seen as the societal demands and expectations of the behaviour of a man and a father.
I feel like I’m rambling a little, but I hope it makes some sense ! It’s a subject close to my heart, and if I have learnt anything from the experience it is, as you say, not to wait, but to enjoy every day we are lucky enough to have with those of us we love.
Take care and I look forward to more blogs from you Kriss.
Andy
What a brilliant reply Dorothy, “what is the worst thing that could happen” when applied both ways it is even better “if you do and if you don’t”. In relationship to my boy the worse that can happen if I don’t is not worth thinking about, but if I do… it’s not worth thinking about if you can get my ambiguity.
Thank you D
Kriss -
That’s such a touching and thought provoking post on so many levels. Rather than just a 140 character response on Twitter (!) I wanted to put a slightly more considered piece of feedback here.
The subject evokes strong emotion and memory in me, and is a lesson that we should certainly all grab hold of before, as you so rightly say, it’s too late or indeed that we are forced into this way of thinking by a “life-changing” event such as a heart attack or the “Big C” come and wake us up. Why should these events be life changing in that way – why don’t we live our lives like that anyhow ?!
I lost my father ten years ago to cancer, and although he never knew he was going to die from the disease (in some ways it was a blessing that it spread to his brain so quickly so he never had to completely confront that problem) the changes it effected upon him and his outlook on life were stunning. We were always a close family but dad could be quite stand-offish and was certainly patriarchal in the old fashioned sense at times. When he learned of his cancer, you suddenly felt such overwhelming love from him. Expression of feeling that he had always held within him, and which you always knew was there, but which was so hard to elicit from him prior to that point.
It’s hard for me to say, but in so many ways having to confront his mortality changed my dad for the better. He was a more loving, kind and gentle soul in the six months we were blessed to have with him before his death.
But why did we have to all wait so long for that to happen ? I honestly believe he would have been so very much happier and fulfilled in life had he allowed himself to be “softer” in that way, rather than being shackled by what he would have seen as the societal demands and expectations of the behaviour of a man and a father.
I feel like I’m rambling a little, but I hope it makes some sense ! It’s a subject close to my heart, and if I have learnt anything from the experience it is, as you say, not to wait, but to enjoy every day we are lucky enough to have with those of us we love.
Take care and I look forward to more blogs from you Kriss.
Andy
My Darling daughter it is so encouraging to get a reply from you on my blog, just to know my child reads what her Papa has to say and in her own intellectuality and soul can concur is edifying to say the least. I’m far from perfect as you know but it is great to know that we touch each others lives now and are not waiting for anything. Love and Kisses shatz… Papa xx
Andy you comments are very moving indeed, I don’t know what is happening to me recently but certainly I felt a welling up inside of me with you experience. It is great to see that you Dad was given the time to touch you emotionally and it will probably prove to be a pivitol gift to you down the annuals of time. Dad’s are so central to the growth and development of their children but more so I believe to their sons. Thank you for sharing from your treasure trove of sensibility. Selah
Lovely comments to the blog Kriss… never under estimate the affect of a father on his daughter. I know mine has taught me a great deal from day 1 of my life, and most certainly has made me the strong, confident character that I am today with my own beliefs, morality, sense of security and empathy for others!
…A great film as point of reference also
Dear Kriss, this blog post is beautiful. It provides the inspiration and motivation which have become your trademark, in an intimate style that is less characteristic, but ultimately more powerful! These words, “What are you waiting for?”, have been my own personal call to action at the start of 2010. When we overcome the paralysis of fear and allow love to be our guiding light, I believe the Universe conspires with us to make wonderful things happen. My continuing love and thanks to you for your impact on my life!
Hi Liz, I’m really enjoying the journey with all it challenges up and downs, I’m so aware how quickly time is flying by and that one day the final whistle or the finishing line will come. I believe in the game of life we meet different people, for a reason a season a life time; playing out their roles too and if they come on the pitch or run in a lane next to your track it is specially but if they actually take time out to join you on your way it is extra special. Thanks for being extra special!
Jane you are a star, thanks for the encourement and joining with me on the journey. I am bless to have two wonderful daughters who now in their twenties have conferred on me the ultimate accolade of being a loving Father who has impacted their life and sent them on thier path full of courage and optimism. Please never under estimate the affect of a daughter on a father, and tell him while he is here the things you will say when he goes to visit his ancestors.
love this. as someone who survived a major accident (and now has a mobility disability), each moment counts. it is finding the silver lining in the bad, and truly enjoying the good, that creates a meaningful life. thanks for this article today!
Thanks for the post, and the thought-provoking questions, Kriss. As a father of young kids (3 daughters & 3 sons!
, I’m often revisiting similar questions and adjusting my course as well. Lastly–here’s another piece of “synchronicity” – one more use of the phrase “What are you waiting for” that you may enjoy – Britt Nicole’s “Walk On the Water” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et00UNFDjVM
Great post, great question Kriss, “What are you waiting for?…”
Then also love the powerful statement…
Most us play the game of life as if there is no end, we are sort of sleep walking. Then a sudden jolt …..
Thank you
Lorena Heletea
Lorena, thanks for taking the time to comment on my post. Yes that statement “most of us live life as if there is no end,we sort of sleep walking, then a sudden jolt” aptly describes how easy it is to free wheel in life and miss those little things that when we look back actually were the main things we have lived for. I’m determined to live a full life today and I see by visiting your site you have dedicated you life to ensuring that others do like wise. God bless your ministry
Kriss
Dr Ben, just checked out your site and love the idea “we should take a moment and celebrate highlights of our day” I know it can’t always be possible but certainly there are those moments when you are in the flow, life is sweet & you know it does not get much better than this. It sounds like you are not “waiting for much then” if you are living these moment. Bless you.
Kriss
Hi Jessie, thanks very much for your powerful testimony. I can imagine when you have been so close to meeting your ancestor that life there after has a different texture. I’m so happy that inspite of the motor difficulties you have received as a result of you accident you are able to see the silver lining and enjoy each moment. Keep on creating that meaningful life.
Bless you
Kriss
I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing